Embracing The Loneliness

It’s not something people talk about within a marriage – but it happens a lot in military marriages.
I am no expert; Eddie & I have only been married just over a month and have been living together for three weeks – but man I’ve learned a lot in the last month.
Since I’ve moved to Maine Eddie has had stressful work with long hours (430am-8-11pm) and is about to walk into 30+ days of shiftwork; which means I’ve spent (and will continue to spend) a lot of time alone.
I’m used to being surrounded by my family & friends and filling my time with lots of things to do. I thrive in social situations and re-charge with time alone – and currently I’m feeling a little supercharged.

I spend my time unpacking and settling into our new apartment (that we are leaving soon!), annoying tobi, working on the blog, cleaning, and exploring our area. But if i’m honest – I go stir crazy a lot. I wait by the front door like a puppy for Eddie to get home and give him lots of hugs and kisses. We spend our evenings watching netflix, cuddling, and building our marriage – and i’m looking forward to the days we are able to spend together where he gets a break from work.

Yet my days are still tinted with this haze of occasional loneliness.
I never realized how much we need human interaction until we don’t really have it.
In attempts to get some social interaction i’ve been going to the gym a lot and have tried to ride my bike down to the local cafe to work on blog / photography stuff and just be around others. I’m also incredibly overly friendly in grocery stores – always asking people what they are buying and giving my input; i’m sure i’m on stores “people watch” list. 🙂

This whole season is new and unknown.
I have no idea how to combat all of the loneliness of quiet days by myself.
I’m learning more and more about military life and military wife life – and it’s a completely different world. I’m trying to meet other Navy wives and looking into how to join facebook groups, local meet-ups, etc but it’s a challenge. I’ve talked to 3 wives who live in the housing unit we’re in – 2 when we were shoveling snow out of our driveways 2 weeks ago (and haven’t seen/spoken since), and the other one is very standoffish. I’m not used to not having friends to hang out with.

So even though all of the alone time can seem deafening I really am doing my best to enjoy and grow within this loneliness.
There are some beautiful things that can transpire when you embrace the season you’re in; and I really really want to embrace this season. I want to learn more about myself and Eddie and our marriage. I want to learn more about Jesus and grace. I want to be intentional with my time and not waste it and fall into the laziness trap and just become a couch potato (it’s so easy for me to do!).
I guess to close this rambling out I want to say thank you.
Thank y’all for bearing with me – for pressing in and being my support system of friends all over the place. It’s always so reassuring that i can hop onto my computer and keep in touch with some amazing people who interact with me.

To be totally cheesy I have to throw out a thank you to my husband who truly makes me feel more alive and full of joy than I thought possible. My loneliness is in no way tied to him – it’s tied to the life in Charleston I still hold close to me and embracing the newness of making new friends and not seeing my family as often. Eddie goes above and beyond to make me feel loved, supported, and full of fire. He makes it all good – he truly is my home.

Being by myself all the time means lots of dancing and being weird; today you got a small glimpse into pictures of that weirdness 😉

  • Great post! My husband and I have been married for nearly 14 years the first 4 years of our marriage he was in the military it was a HUGE sacrifice one that most people don’t really know about – and I dealt with extreme loneliness too especially when our son was born. Thank you for your service without couples like you we wouldn’t have our freedom <3

    • Michelle,
      Thank you so much for your sweet words.
      I know i’m new to the married game – and even to the military married game but i feel this disconnect when i talk to some other people about marriage, it’s like they can’t fully understand what i’m going through. Thank YOU for the service and sacrifice y’all made as well.
      How do you feel like you combated the loneliness?

  • Hi Amy! I’ve been silently reading your blog for a few months now and I just wanted to say how lovely I think your spirit is. I like to come over to your blog to feel calm and inspired.

    I’ve moved a LOT in my adult life (I’m talking 2 different countries and 5 states since turning 18) so I can understand and relate to this post more than maybe many people. I just wanted to let you know I’m here if you ever need encouragement. It definitely isn’t always easy no matter how proactive you are, and I find that when “the locals” have never moved they often can’t understand what it’s like to crave friendship/human connection. It sounds like you are doing a lot (and I totally applaud you for that because sometimes I get stuck in self-pity), but if you’re looking for more ideas I recommend meetup.com as a way to find ladies groups or groups with your similar interests. I have joined several book clubs that way.

    Good luck with your continuing journey!

    • Kate!
      Nice to “meet” you 😉
      Thank you so much for your sweet words – I mostly feel like a rambling mess so i’m glad i can attempt to offer some sense of calm and inspiration, ha!
      I totally forgot about meet-up!
      I’ll have to log in today and see what all is happening in our area…because it really has been a challenge just to find things. Unfortunately i’ve found that our world isn’t as open and friendly as it used to be in regards to communication. Everyone is in their own niche and glued to their screens and don’t really notice a wandering sheep. lol
      Looking back now I can see how I have been guilty of doing the same thing.
      So i’m thankful for this little lesson in waking up and looking up instead of down.
      Thank you for reading along!
      p.s. WOAH GIRL – lots of moving and thats some beautiful bravery!

  • These pictures of you are seriously gorgeous. I know what you mean.. I honestly thought having a boyfriend would make me feel less lonely, but I still struggle with it #extrovertproblems i guess?

    • aw thanks friend! <3
      I felt like a total goober taking them - but i'm happy they turned out well!
      #Extrovertproblems for sure! 😉
      The truth is - no one completes us but Jesus so learning how to embrace our individuality is soooo important

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  • I definitely remember that feeling of loneliness when Andy and I first got married and I moved to a military base where I knew no one! I honestly was depressed for about 6 months, until I found a job and got plugged into my church. We’re facing a long TDY soon, and I’m not nearly as nervous this time knowing I have “my tribe” to hang out with! Hang in there, you can do it!

    • That’s definitely good you’ve found your tribe! 🙂 🙂
      We are in one spot for 4 months, then another spot for another 7 and then another for 1-2 years. Hopefully during that longer spot I’ll be able to dig some roots in. 🙂

  • Found you from Catherine’s links and just wanted to say how great this post is – I wish I had been able to read it when I was going through a similar season of loneliness (being someone who works from home and is married to a medical student/resident has some serious similarities!). Good for you embracing and figuring out how to grow in this period. Things that I find really helpful when I move to a new place are book clubs and internet friends. And time! Also love the book MWF Seeking BFF, all about that weird thing of figuring out how to make friends as a grown up. Definitely recommend it as enjoyable reading, but also good things to ponder in a season like this 🙂

    • Hey Anne!
      I am so glad you dropped by! I love Catherine & her blog! <3
      Thank you for those words - I definitely believe we've got some similarities, it's hard to be home all the time and having your spouse be away all the time - it's kind of deafening.
      BOOK CLUBS! A friend of mine and I are starting to read a book together so I think that will help a lot too. I will look into MWF seeking BFF for real.
      Thank you again Anne!

  • Oh girl! I’m right there with you! Loneliness is tough and sometimes even comes with the territory of working from home, whew. But you sound like you are kicking booty and getting out there! You go girl!

    • Yes!
      I think a lot of working from home peeps fully understand the struggle of loneliness – it isn’t fun!
      I’m definitely trying to make some lemonade out of lemons!