it seems to be the theme of my life lately.
i actually posted about God telling me to wait only a few short months ago.
you see, i am one of the most impatient people i know.
i want things done my way and on my timeline.
great character trait, i know. 😉
tuesday morning i was working through my devotional, kind of lack luster – heart heavy but not willing to really bend. you see, the night prior i had a long (few hours) conversation with my roommate. i was defensive, angry, bitter, and frustrated. i just kept telling her I’m tired.
and it is true – i am tired. i feel so incredibly overwhelmed in certain areas of my life.
i see things not crossed off of my ‘to-do list’ and areas where i need to do better, and be better, and share better. i keep setting these standards that are unreachable. normally my outlet is exercise – and i can’t even fully do that like i want (my body is a little beaten, strained muscles with a long healing time) – so my “outlet” has been a little useless.
so I’ve struggled with finding a way to really get things out – and my roommate just happened to take the brunt of it that night. she said some things i needed to hear, but they hurt – they needed to hurt. she also prayed with me and encouraged me – it was a night i needed.
through my devotional i came upon Isaiah 30:18(ESV)
and i asked myself – am i waiting for God? or being impatient and running?
i continued on through the devotional – writing down excerpts, nodding my head in agreement, scribbling thoughts…but that scripture just kept weighing on me.
so i went back and opened the study bible near me (NIV) and started digging a little deeper.
// after punishing Israel, God will once again bless them
// leads to Isaiah 40:2
// ‘speak tenderly’ – the Hebrew for this phrase is used also in 2 Ch 32:6 where Hezekiah ‘encouraged’ Judah to trust in God despite the Assyrian invasion.
all of this and so much more shows and affirms one thing to me.
God longs to commune with me. to envelope me in His arms and sooth my aching heart with balm. Scripture tells me that after punishment/desert God will once again bless me (in His terms, not what i think of a ‘blessing’) and to be encouraged within my struggle – especially when all seems lost and overwhelming.
my sin has been paid for.
God longs to be gracious to me.
to show mercy.
to give grace.
i must wait.
and trust while waiting.