bailey | the why

woohoo, i finally wrote more of bailey’s story – i mean the last installment was only in june 😉
i’m floored that so many of you enjoy reading my ramblings and attempts at fiction, so thank you!
i’m still wrestling through where to take this – how to unfold it – how to tie in all of the thoughts, directions, characters, and emotions i’m having to the plot line. i honestly have no idea how professional authors do this – trying to get out what unfolding in your head/heart while also trying to keep the reader entertained, hooked, and satisfied. whew it is a lot of hard work.
i wrote this while on the road trip – we hit a rain storm while driving through the mountains and i listened to some james bay and everything just flowed.
so, enjoy! 

I would suggest you start this story from the beginning, so you’re clued in.
(go top to bottom on the links)
bailey | the brokenness
bailey | the number three
bailey | speaking
bailey | the call
bailey | echoes


why, she cried, i’ve been replaying all of it – all of us – over and over and i can’t figure it out.
her hand covered her face, defeated – frustrated.
there was a long pause.
it wasn’t that i haven’t been happy bay, i just…i don’t know…i’ve been trying to figure out how to explain…and the only thing i could figure out is that i was curious.
the knife in her heart twisted.
he was curious?
she couldn’t keep him intrigued – her own husband.
curious of what exactly?
he exhaled loudly, attempting to gather his thoughts.
curious of the what if – i never had closure with ash…her…so i wondered what would have happened; and when i saw her again those thoughts were re-awkwaked.
he fumbled with his hands.
i never meant to start something, to even attempt to hurt our marriage, he gestured between them, Bay, this…you…mean everything to me; when i met her for coffee i just lost something – my perspective.
your dignity she thought.
her heart was hammering against her chest.
blood was flooding her ears.
how long? she asked.
how long what? he stammered.
she pointed a look at him, isaac, how long?
8 months he whispered.
the silence hung there, stretching out and suffocating her.
she felt like she was drowning.
8 months. she finally said. 8 months, she repeated.
he looked at her.
we’ve been trying for 10 months isaac – trying to make…to make a… sobs tore from her chest.
he reached for her, his hands skimmed her forearm.
she moved out of his touch.
does she know you are married? she spit out.
that you were trying to start a family with your wife?…not that it mattered, she thought.
yes and no…we didn’t discuss that, he stood so close to her.
8 months she whispered.
do you love me? she looked into his foreign eyes.
forever he responded without hesitation.
then why…how could you do this to me? she hugged herself tighter.
how could you step outside the vows of our marriage?
he paced five feet and turned towards her.
i ask myself the same question – i’ve asked myself the same question since i had coffee with her, how could i be so weak? how could i hurt and betray the woman i love and want to start a family with? how could i even jeopardize this? – Bailey i don’t know why i did this, or at least i can’t give you a justified explination. curiosity is the reason – but it isn’t why i continued. but i am not left un-fulfilled by you.
he paused – tension filling the silence
i am not left un-fulfileld by you kept repeating in her mind.
silence stretched on.
time ran faster.
nothing was making sense.
isaac wasn’t making sense.
this woman didn’t make sense.
do you want me to leave? isaac asked.
i don’t want you to stay she replied.
but i don’t know how to feel, i’m so torn. you have ruined so much she whispered.
i know he responded.
i’ll come over tomorrow to talk more, you need to think. 
he grabbed his keys, brushed her fingers with his and left.


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