frankly friday | heavy heart – full mouth.


my heart is heavy and my mouth is full.


brokenness does that to a person.
listen, i get it, it’s christmas time and the season is bright, and things are going to be alright.
but that isn’t me being really honest.
today marks 9 years that my mother passed.
nine. years. 
i’ve posted about the start of that morning before – and it really isn’t something i want to get into right now…but i will say that today – i miss my mom.


but that isn’t the only reason i’m broken today – no it most certainly is not the only reason.
my heart is heavy and my mouth is full.
and if we look into the depths of our souls we all see something:
sin runs deep.
really deep.
a few months ago i shed some light on this subject.
& i was received with a resounding: you are not alone amy – you are not alone.
man do i need to hear that again today.

this world gets nasty quick.
it gets dirty, grimy, and just down right filthy.
it also breeds temptation that tastes all too delicious.
we get used to the scandal – to the drawl – we get pulled to the bed that is our tempter.
is that a little spicy, well yes, but it is also the truth.
sin is delicious.
disgusting, makes you sick, and spreads like cancer, but also delicious.
because we keep going back for more.

man, sin runs deep

i think far too often i ask the Lord for forgiveness but forget that there is still work that i need to do.
does God forgive me – a thousands times yes.
He continues to forgive me.
yet i still say yes to satans lies – and fall into the traps of his temptation.
because i want to.
if i didn’t want to – i wouldn’t.
…that’s like a kick in the face.
i choose the sin – the sin didn’t choose me.
so when i feel convicted – guilty – run down and empty without God…
…and i go to Him for fulfillment, forgiveness, mercy and grace…i’m restored.
but that is never the end of the road.

what is the point of redemption and restoration if you’re not willing to change?
am i willing to change? 
i would hope so.
yes – yes i would say i am willing to change.
am i willing to give up those delicious temptations? 
this is where it gets tricky.


i think this is where it gets tricky for everyone in general – but especially for Christians who have walked with Jesus for more than a few seasons.
we know Jesus. we are saved. we trust in our salvation. and we get complacent.
we see the “little sins” (no such thing) as no big deals – and well the “bigger sins” (sin is sin) as something to just avoid talking about so we can relish in it. or if we’re in a good season of our walk with God we seek out accountability to get rid of it.
so the slippery slope begins.
we love Jesus.
we crave the sin.
we love following God’s Word.
we crave feeling desired & the temptation gives us that.

man, sin runs deep.

so i’m here to tell y’all confess that i’m a sinner.
i mess up.
i struggle – struggle like you wouldn’t believe.
i make mistakes all the time – and not little mistakes but big ones that will have consequences.
i’m not perfect.
i judge.
i curse.
i say things behind others back.
i fall into the trap of lust.
i enjoy really bad comedy.
i – mess – up.

but God loves me.
i have no idea why He does.
but He loves me – without limits, unconditionally, immeasurably.
when i’m a broken mess on the floor – He gets on His knees before me and collects me.

He restores me.
moves me.
changes me.
directs me.
instructs me.
disciplines me.
man – He loves me. 

remember how i said my heart is heavy and my mouth is full?
…its true, they are.
my heart is heavy with sin – with distrust, greed, lust, and bitterness. it is also heavy with joy, love, compassion, salvation, and truth.
my mouth is full of lies, spite, malice, and fear. it is also full of encouragement, blessings, prayers, and restoration.

it’s all about allowing God to work through my mess and get me back on solid ground. 
dear Lord i want to be back on solid ground.

if you’ve had a post this week that was rather frank – link up below. 

also if you missed the fiction posted yesterday – give it a read.

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